Here Are the Facts You Need to Know!

It’s likely that you’ve heard about the Inner Child before. This is the emotional part of our psyche – the part that feels strong emotions. When we’re learning how to work with our emotions, it might be tempting to listen whole-heartedly to our Inner Child, using it as an emotional compass from which we make our decisions.

In actuality, the question “should I listen to my inner child?” has a more complicated answer. In this article I’ll share the facts you need to know about acting on your emotions.

An Example of Trusting Our Emotions: Public Speaking

Many people have a fear of public speaking. Getting up there for all eyes to see can be terrifying, because it opens the possibility of bumbling your words and becoming a laughing stock. This fear, like all emotions, comes from your Inner Child, deep within your psyche.

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If you were to listen to your Inner Child wholeheartedly and avoid public speaking at all cost, you would probably miss out on opportunities to move towards your bigger goals or objectives in life.

In this example, following the emotional compass of the Inner Child is a bad idea. You would be like a parent who does exactly what their child wants all the time, which we all know doesn’t work out well.

To understand this fully, it helps to learn a little about the concepts of the Inner Child and Inner Parent.

What Exactly Is the Inner Child?

My work as an Emotional Growth Guide and Integrative Coach revolves around helping my clients to understand their emotions. I believe that doing so allows us to find a new way of relating to the world around us. The wisdom behind my work stems from the groundbreaking theory of Eric Berne, an American psychologist who found a missing piece to the puzzle of the human psyche.

The Inner Child wasn’t a new concept in Eric Berne’s time, but he recognized 2 other important states that complete the full picture of an individual’s psyche. He named these states the Adult, and the Parent.

The Inner Child

Our Inner Child, as I’ve mentioned above, is our emotional self. It comes out when we feel vulnerable, nervous or scared – in other words, when we feel like we could really use some guidance. On the other end of the spectrum, our Inner Child can appear when we feel free, creative and joyful. This part of our psyche is formed during the first 5 years of our lives and is based on the feelings we experienced internally in response to external events during this crucial time in development.

The Inner Parent

The Inner Parent’s role is to instinctively care for the Inner Child when it feels overwhelmed with emotion. This Parent State soothes the Inner Child in the ways we saw our parents comfort us when we were little. This state is formed from the external events that are recorded in our young brains – recorded without question or analysis.

The Inner Adult

The third, and most complex, state of Eric Burne’s Theory is the Inner Adult. This Adult State appears when we take a deep breath, step back for a moment, and analyze the situation at hand. It’s the part of our psyche that takes stock of the Inner Child and Inner Parent’s experience, and comes to a decision of how to act based on these findings.

A healthy decision, therefore, results from your Inner Adult comparing the instincts of your Inner Child and Inner Parent. Trusting the Inner Child alone is failing to understand the full picture.

The Importance of Facing Uncomfortable Situations

Going back to the example of public speaking, your Inner Child is telling you not to go on stage. It would rather you stay comfortable and safe than take the opportunity to grow and learn from the situation.

If we look deeper with the analytic eye of the Inner Adult, we can see that underlying the fear of public speaking is a bigger fear: the fear of self-abandonment. In recognizing that core emotion, the Inner Adult can assess the best course of action and keep from trusting 100% in the Inner Child’s advice.

In order for us to grow as human beings, we will often need to face uncomfortable and unfamiliar situations. We have a natural inner resistance to doing this. The important thing is to acknowledge our uncomfortable emotions and discover the true need behind it. From there we can make a decision about what to do in this situation… which in many cases is the opposite of what our Inner Child wants us to do.

In the case of public speaking, your best course of action would be to acknowledge the fear and anxiety, telling your Inner Child that it’s quite normal to feel like that. Speak to your Inner Child like a parent, letting them know:

• “You’re going to do something quite difficult, but you have the power to do it.”
• “No matter how the speech goes, you are going to be loved and appreciated for your effort.”
• “I’m very proud of you for doing this activity and facing the fear.”

Following Your Emotions in the Workplace

Many of my clients come to me expressing that they’re tired of their job – that it leaves them feeling unfulfilled and resentful, wishing for a life with more meaning and joy. Without realizing the full picture of the way our psyche is built, my clients often think that they should jump ship on their job if they’re not fully invested in what they do for a living.

In reality, quitting your job without having a backup plan is a terrible decision. Having too optimistic of an outlook and not paying attention to the other implications of your decision can result in you ending up broke, scared, and lost.

So what are we supposed to do instead?

Handling Your Emotions Effectively

Emotions are there for a reason: to guide you through life. But it’s important to fully understand your emotions and learn how to work with them effectively in order to lead a balanced and fulfilling life.

The first step to handling your emotions is to recognize that they’re happening. “Oh, I’m feeling anxious,” you might say when you’re about to get on stage. The next step is to sit with your emotion and listen carefully to what it’s really trying to tell you. The final step is to take an action to help yourself. Will it help you to run away as fast as you can and avoid public speaking for the rest of your life? No. In fact, acting directly against this fear will help you the most.

Don’t Rely 100% on Your Inner Child

Life isn’t supposed to be limited to pleasant experiences alone. We can’t go through life only feeling emotions of joy, comfort and excitement. That would inevitably stunt our growth and prevent us from learning and growing as a human being.

For this reason, we can’t act 100% in accordance with what our Inner Child tells us to do. We need to push ourselves to confront our uncomfortable emotions, because doing so will allow us to experience all that life has to offer us.